Another conversation from the past..

1-23-2004

That's a very admirable quality; I, on the other hand, can’t seem to get my head out of my ... posterior. i think there are moments where i love for someone other than meself, but ahh then i put my conscious back to sleep.

and back to me. i dont exactly pose for arguments but i do let people develop their preemptive presuppositions as they deem fit. it aint my fault when my behavior doesnt fit into their finely crafted constructs that I get labeled, :insert your favorite label here: now, when I was a wee gal, I met this scholar who instead of being impressed, with my oh so creative imagination, was a wee bit turned off. He quite bluntly told me, to observe people in silence and first internalize what I know before I manifest it upon unsuspecting victims. Best piece of advice yet! Don’t ya love traditional shayks who smack your ego to death?

now, if you ever just sit and watch people, youll realize we're pretty funny. we live our lives like caged rats who have been trained to respond to various routines. even though we still manage to miracoulsy think with 'opposites.' we seem to have restricted ourselves to a very black and white (yes, just black AND white) interpretation that is rigid as well as ahistorical.

we seem to judge people according to our own beliefs or the beliefs of our adversaries. in other words, we only see through our own eyes or the eyes of our opponents. it's either this or that. nothing more. (hmmm, I should post this in girls and boys gone wild thread/ and ofcourse this idea too was picked from Mr. Jackson!)

hey wait, i havent spoken about myself or my views in the past 15 sec, so back to me. Now being a subjective human whos dependant on her Lawd's Will, i'm in the process of constantly re-evaluating my position and place in this oh-so-mean-world.

In my subjective happy world, ive
interpreted 'goodness,' 'purity,' 'nobility,' 'godliness,' and "other" virtues as abstract ideas that we humans attempt to internalize/humanize in our constant struggle. i, believe these ideals fluctuate in every body that has a beating heart, and these ideals manifest in different people of different creeds in various intervals. in other words, there is no guarantee that I, a muslim girl, will always remain in my current state based on the labels society has etched upon my forehead.

and so, again in my subjective struggle, seeing a lack of what i would call a reflection of submission to the Absolute Truth, i feel myself gravitating toward those who happen to exhibit some of the aforementioned "IDEALS."

like i stated in an earlier posting, i'm in love with the idea of love, not necessarily ARAGON. He just happens to be a vessel that carries the message.

now i dumped aragon for katsumoto, simply because, the later was more real and thus more believable in his embodiment of things characteristically virtuous. thus, the instant attraction. my departure from katsumoto fan club, however, was his ‘acceptance’ of suicide tactics, especially since they fell outside the boundary of ‘despair’ for which one can argue on individual bases. Anywho, In my subjective beliefs, life ends when God intends it not when I will it. All shame and honor comes from Him, as He uplifts and debases whom He wills. Katsumoto, believed himself so devoted to his cause, that his cause, transformed into his arse, causing him to end his life. (how we insult our ex? So sad) (I kid, I still love katsumoto!)

In walked this idea of Jesus, a person who supposedly devoted his life for what he believed to be the Message of God, a message of Love so pure, it made his personal pride and choice, irrelevant. Publicly humiliated, beaten senseless, and almost crucified on the cross, he still overcame the last temptation; a temptation of wonderment as to why God had forsaken him?

This modern Mel Gibson ideal happens to adhere very closely to what I would assume to be the qualities of an ideal personality: someone who is well-aware of God as well as his own position in the larger scheme of things. God, I can ramble on and on and on

And on. Hope that explains my LOOOOOOOOVE for James.
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